I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
