Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
