No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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