You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
