One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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