A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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