I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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