Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
