i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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