I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
