remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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