The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you win again, gameday.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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