When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
