Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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