There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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