I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
