How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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