I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
