You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
