I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
