broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
