So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
