I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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