Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
