I'm drive I can fine osifer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
