HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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