I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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