Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
