I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
