tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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