Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
