Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
