No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
