it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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