Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
