I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
