dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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