Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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