Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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