I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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