he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
