I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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