It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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