my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
