he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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