we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
