and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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