Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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