I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
