I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
