...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
