Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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